We are not nearly done changing: We have the illusion that we have just recently become the people we will be for the rest of our lives. At every age, we underestimate how much our values, personalities, and preferences will change in the future. Because it’s hard to imagine how we’ll change in the coming years, we mistakenly believe that we won’t.
– Dan GilbertRetirement is one of the top 10 most stressful life events. Most of us are not aware, nor ready for the massive amount of change that comes when we leave our career.
For many of us this is the first time in our lives when we get to make the choices that truly align with who we are, our personality, values and character.
Unfortunately, the habits of a lifetime often push us to make decisions that fill our time, rather than giving consideration to whether or not they fill our soul.
Learning how to make choices that lead us towards finding a purpose is a process that begins with truly understanding who we are.
Step 1
The first step is to identify and understand our values, character strengths and personality when we are not working. There are several great tools to use to help:
- Think2perform.com – a free tool to help you determine your values
- VIACharacter.org – a free tool to help you identify your character strengths
- Meyers-Briggs – only 1 of many personality tests to help you identify who you are outside of work
When we have a better understanding of who we are it is easier to make choices that will align with that, thus making us happier.
Warning
There is a phase of retirement where we all discover that our jobs provided more than just a paycheck. No one told us that we are going to need to find a way to replace:
- The routine
- The intellectual stimulation
- The emotional support – that is the positive feedback we get
- The social connections
In extreme cases some of us may struggle with anxiety, depression or even substance abuse as we work through our feelings of loss. No matter how much we have been looking forward to retirement it is still a huge change and there are going to be feelings of loss and sadness. This is completely normal.
But life continues to change, and we can get past these feelings as we work to fill our soul and not just our calendar.
Step 2
The next step in retirement is to utilize the compass we built with understanding who we are to make the choices that give us purpose.
There is a lot of research into happiness and one of the things they have discovered is that when we pursue happiness directly, as in:
- I will be happy when I buy that car
- I will be happy when my kids move out
- I will be happy when I get to retire
We actually aren’t happier.
When we pursue a purpose, we become happier.
An easy way to do this is to create a list of activities or topics that you are curious about. Once you have a list, start to work through it identifying ways to learn more or get involved with that topic. If one activity doesn’t work out, move on to the next. Keep trying until you have built a routine that you enjoy.
Step 3
Over time you will create a routine that includes activities you are excited to participate in. These activities will help you create a new social network outside of your previous career. Ideally you will have 3 or 4 activities for which you have discovered (or rediscovered) a passion.
This is when we enter the final phase of retirement – the reinvention phase. We have completely created a new life outside of our previous working life.
We are living a life that feels as fulfilling as we felt on our best days working. A life that fills our soul and heart as much as if fills our calendar.
Of course, everyone is different and your ideal retirement may look very different from what your friends or relatives are doing – that is okay – the goal is to create a life that works for you.
